Day 91: Paralyzing Fear

Yesterday we took some teammates from EF rock climbing. One of our teammates had a fear of heights that was so bad it was amazing just to get her out there.

We got her on the wall several times and with each climb she got higher and higher. We couldn't quite get her to the top though. The main thing that stood in the way were moments of fear. She would get be smoothly climbing up the wall then hit an area where she didn't know what to do next and just then just start to freeze due to fear and panic. I tried to sympathize with her but I could not really understand how she felt until this morning.

6:30AM

Team Open Water Swim

The water was freezing. I think it was somewhere in the 50s. I was late getting there so I didn't really take the time to look at the currents. Big mistake.

The rest of the team were doing laps around several buoys. I started swimming in the direction of the first buoy but started to get distracted by the cold water on my face as well as trying to sight for the first time in several months. Next thing I knew I was swimming directly towards my teammates.

I lifted my head up and started to tread water to figure out what I was going to do next. Suddenly I found myself drifting away from the group. A part of the current took a hold of me. Mentally I felt fine and don't recall panicking. But I did request that one of the coaches in a boat come get me.

Once I got back to shore we still had quite a bit of time left so I wanted to continue to swim. I swam a lap and had to fight the current to get back. Then as I prepared for another lap I found myself just standing there thinking about the current. I was frozen. Fear had begun to sink in my mind.

I was eventually able to get several more laps in but I was a little bothered how the fear had taken a hold of me and prevented me from swimming more. I know my swim fitness is strong so it wasn't a physical limitation. It was all mental.

I think fear is important. It warns us when we're about to do something reckless or dangerous to our well being. When it becomes a problem is when it prevents us from doing stuff that we know we can do. It becomes mental battle. I'm not sure what the best method to fight fear is but I've always subscribed to just getting out there and trying again. I'll let you guys know how next week's swim goes.