The post title does not mean "buy myself stuff first". In marriage and in relationships communication serves as one of the cornerstones for a successful partnership.
One concept that my wife and I learned in marriage counseling and found to be immensely helpful is the "I" before "You" principle. We all know the sting of "you" statements. "You didn't do the dishes", "why do you always disagree with me", and "you're not paying attention". As these examples portray they always come off with an accusatory tone and as anyone who has been on the receiving end of these knows, the first instinct is to get defensive.
Instead, one can more effectively communicate with their partner using "I" statements. As Marcia Berger writes:
Marriage partners who communicate as equals are likely to have a good relationship. "I" statements provide an easy way for a husband and wife to honor their own and their mate's individuality. Those who converse with "I" statements are taking responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings, desires, and behaviors. The opposite of an "I" statement is a "You" statement, which tends to come across as judgmental or blaming.
This is something that I struggle with daily but that's what the harder part of relationships are all about, putting work in to make sure your relationship is a success.
How are you doing with these concepts? Got any relationship communication tips?
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